Sometimes, a marriage hits a rough spot that never seems to heal. Other times, one spouse doesn’t realize the deep unhappiness of the other. Occasionally, both parties will conclude that the marriage simply isn’t working. Whichever the scenario, do you know how to ask for a divorce as painlessly as possible?
How To Ask For A Divorce From Your Spouse
Studies have shown that human beings’ brains prefer happy endings. So, when your marriage becomes unworkable, you may experience feelings of grief and anxiety. These feelings can interfere with rational thinking, making dissolving your union difficult.
Undoubtedly, it can be an emotionally charged situation severing the ties that once bound you together. Moreover, human beings have diverse personalities. As such, you won’t find a “one size fits all” way to telling your spouse you want a divorce.
However, to diffuse some of the negative emotions, some experts recommend you follow these guidelines:
- Be kind and understanding
- Keep your message simple
- Stick to the facts
- Resist arguing and justifying your decision
- Restrain from any inconsistency in your choice
Often, preparing yourself for the conversation can help your difficult talk proceed more smoothly. For example, do you know how your spouse feels about your marriage? Understanding your partner’s feelings can help you develop the right approach.
How An Attorney Can Help
According to North Carolina law, couples must live apart for at least one year before filing for divorce. This means you must maintain separate residences with the intent of permanency. Yet, during this time, you and your spouse must continue to pay your bills and care for your children.
Often, separated couples will execute an agreement resolving the details of these issues. Undoubtedly, hiring an experienced attorney will help you to protect your rights. Moreover, a lawyer has the expertise to help negotiate a satisfactory separation agreement.
Once you have signed and acknowledged the document, it becomes a binding contract. While the law doesn’t require you to have an agreement, it can help make the divorce process smoother. When it comes time to file for divorce, you’ve already worked out the terms.
Terms To Ask For In A Settlement Agreement
Generally, a separation agreement outlines the rights and obligations of each party. Usually, it becomes the foundation of the divorce terms. When drafting your agreement, you need to be specific and avoid ambiguous wording.
Additionally, a separation agreement should address many of the issues surrounding the separation:
- Detailed parent-time schedule including holidays
- Payment of child support including specifics medical bills and other essentials
- The amount and payment date of post-separation support and/or alimony
- Exact particulars concerning the division of marital liabilities and assets
Sometimes, especially in a friendly separation, couples will draft an agreement on their own. Typically, online resources make this option appear easy and doable.
However, online documents contain generalized, standard language that may not apply to your situation. Moreover, these types of stock documents may be missing important provisions that can legally impact your rights. Instead, hire an experienced attorney to ensure you address all the issues of your separation.
How To Ask For A Divorce FAQs
Ending a marriage gracefully is possible. Yet, ending your marriage means deciding how to ask for a divorce from your spouse. To help you, we’ve answered a few commonly asked questions. However, every divorce is unique. Always consult an attorney on the best course of action for your case.
What If My Spouse Has Exhibited Signs Of Violence?
Divorce is difficult, but dissolving a marriage with a violent partner can be dangerous. Domestic violence involves additional considerations to keep you and your children safe. Often, the abuser can become more violent when the relationship ends.
Consulting a lawyer early can help you determine the best way to proceed. This may include obtaining a restraining or protection order as well as emergency custody of any children.
Are Credit Card Points And Frequent Flier Miles Assets?
Generally, anything with a value obtained during the marriage is subject to equitable distribution. Both credit card points and frequent flier miles fall into this category.
While these types of assets may seem trivial, their worth can be considerable. For example, if you’re a frequent traveler, you may have amassed thousands of miles on your reward program. Using an industry average of 1.4 cents per mile, you can see how valuable this asset becomes.
What Will An Attorney Charge For My Divorce?
Generally, some fees in a divorce are standard. The court requires a fee for filing a divorce case. You may also want to file a claim to resume using your maiden name. Then there’s also a fee to deliver the complaint to your spouse.
Usually, family law lawyers’ fees are dependent on their expertise and experience. An attorney with more courtroom time and specialization often charges more for their time. However, in a family law matter, you’ll want someone with extensive knowledge of the law for a favorable outcome.
Finally, you and your spouse control some of the costs. If you can agree on issues, your divorce will be fairly quick. However, if you argue over everything, you may end up with a protracted case.
Does My Attorney Choice Matter?
Yes. It’s never easy deciding how to ask for a divorce. However, a qualified attorney can help you sort through your options to decide on the appropriate way to proceed.
At Morgenstern & Associates, we have over 40 years of combined experience in family law. Moreover, Barbara R. Morgenstern and Ashley D. Bennington are board-certified specialists in family law demonstrating their expertise.
Call us at 336-203-9110 to discuss the details of your case. You’ll find a compassionate legal team with a focus on you and your well-being.